HEY BABY, I'M YOUR CHEMO MAN 

I saw my gastro doctor on a Monday at one,
Singin' "Ooo lally lally, shaky bum shaky bum."
He put me on a scanner on a Tuesday at two,
Singin' "Ooo lally lally, shaky do shaky do."
On Wednesday at three, I was at oncology,
"Hey Baby, put a pump on for me..
On Thursday at four, he came a-knockin' at the door, singin',
"Hey Baby, I'm your chemo man.

You can have it on your shoulder, you can have it on your hip.
And every seven minutes, you'll get a chemo hit.
I can plumb it through your chest port, I can plumb it through your arm,
No matter where I put it, it won't do you any harm.
You can have it with a buzz, you can have it with a ring,
And if you really want it, you can have a ding-a-ling,
Because, Hey Baby, I'm your chemo man!"

Well, by Friday at five, I was feelin' more alive,
Singin' "Ooo lally lally, shaky jive shaky jive."
By Saturday at six, I was learnin' all the tricks.
Singin' "Ooo lally lally, beeps and clicks, beeps and clicks."
By seven on the Sunday, or was it nearer eight?
I was gettin' kinda tired, and I wasn't feelin' great.
On Monday at nine, I had a man on the line, singin',
"Hey Baby, I'm your chemo man!"

"I've been chuckin' in the kitchen, I've been chuckin' in the hall,
I chucked up in the bathroom, and I threw up on the wall.
I've been slumped in my recliner, I've been dumpin' on the john,
Don't want to be a whiner, but it's goin' on too long.
So if you take away the pump, I could try it with the pills,
They might take away the lump, without inflicting all the ills?"
He said, "I'll make a few adjustments, but you should try it twice."
And he fiddled with the buttons and he gave me some advice,
"If you leave it on the table, just remember when you stand,
Be sure to pick it up, or on the floor it's gonna land!"
Hey Baby, I'm your chemo man!


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